...it is what it is

"It is what it is."

I hate that phrase. I always have. My boyfriend uses it often and I have never understood it. To me it equals complacency, laziness, throwing in the towel, quitting and we Walker's are no quitters. We will fight till the bitter end because as much as I hate that phrase I hate losing even more. It's in my blood. And though sometimes it gets out of control like when the Monopoly board goes flying or ping pong paddles dive head first into the pool, my intense competitive nature is a good thing.

It has been competing with others, but mostly with myself that has pushed me to be more. I refuse to stop when the soccer gods give me red light after red light. I speed right through all of them. And though it's not always easy, it's my psychotic self-competing ambition, that "I'll show them" attitude that has helped me come out stronger and better after 2 ACL surgeries.

6 long seasons of college soccer later and I am finally where I have always wanted to be. I am playing professional soccer in Europe, the team is doing well, we have been in first place all season, I finally found my rhythm within the team, I feel confident and fit, and those mean soccer gods strike again.

Torn meniscus. Boom.

Half-full approach: I've had worse. It's a short recovery. Post surgery recovery is only 4 weeks.
Half-empty approach: SERIOUSLY??? (and a whole lotta explicit and creative word combinations)

I have had a roller coaster of emotions this week. Not the flashy looking, state of the art, locked and loaded roller coaster. I'm talking the sketchy ass wooden, broken down, if one more screw unscrews we're all screwed kind. Pretty unstable.

Fortunately, not many of those old timers break and fling people to the gory death all that often. So I am still standing, maybe white knuckled and sweating, but I am alive and will walk away mostly unscathed, again.

They are uncontrollable situations like this injury  that Dustin's phrase, "it is what it is," actually makes sense and offers my boggled mind and sad heart a little solace. I finally understand that the phrase isn't complacency or quitting, it's acceptance.

And with a little help from my friends and a few shots of tequila, I have accepted it.